


I'm home

by MistyMoon



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, anxiety/panic attack warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyMoon/pseuds/MistyMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where percy decides to visit sally for the first time after boo</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm home

You hesitated. It’s been so long since you’ve last seen her. You didn’t know if you were ready, if she was ready. Maybe, she would be angry. After all, you left her a voicemail as a sign of life. Or, maybe, she would be glad. Her son wasn’t dead.  _Maybe._  
You rang the doorbell.  _Maybe,_ she’ll be mad. You were terribly anxious.  _Maybe_ , she’ll be thankful. You thought of going away.  _Maybe,_ she’ll be neither. You weren’t ready to see her.  
The door opened.  
She had her hair up in a ponytail, with a dirty apron on. Probably making lunch.  
She looked at you, her mouth open in shock.  
You weren’t sure if it was a good idea to just walk inside. Too late for that thought.   
You didn’t say anything. What would you say? ‘Hey mom, I know I went missing and all that stuff, but I’m back. Sorry.’ Not even in hell.    
She closed the door and stared at you again. You couldn’t help but stare back.  
”Percy? Oh my God, Percy.” Her voice sounded so full of relief.   
You stumbled back. She looked so glad to see that you were alive.   
You couldn’t talk. The words wouldn’t come out of your mouth. You wanted to apologize, to tell her how much you loved her, but you couldn’t.  
Suddenly, you couldn’t breathe. Your eyes were stinging and you couldn’t look at her. It’s almost as if you could feel her pain, feel all the pain you - yes,  _you_ , Percy Jackson, her own fucking  _son_ \- caused her during all these years.  _You_ left her, _you_ decided that a shitty voicemail was the best way to tell her you were alright,  _you_ didn’t even think about her. It was  _your_ fault. She didn’t even know if you were alive. It was all your fault.  
It felt like someone was choking you. (It was you. That someone was you. You were trying to choke yourself and you knew that.) You wanted to hide, you wanted to be able to just leave. You’re sitting on the fucking floor - how pathetic are you, really? - and crying in front of your mother, who is trying to calm you down. Your mom, who is the one that has been suffering all these years without you, is trying to calm you down (Though you're pretty sure she’s crying too.) and you’re just feeling bad for yourself. It is clearly your fault, but you could just stop and act like a normal fucking person. For once in your life.  
”Percy.”  
Her voice, oh Gods,  _her voice_. The voice that singed lullabies when you were little. The voice who read bedtime stories about dragons and princesses. The voice who never abandoned you when you were little.  
She sounded like she was crying too. That destroyed you.  
You were clinging to your hoodie, holding as tightly as you can. Please stop crying, please stop crying,  _please_ stop crying. You wanted to wake up from this nightmare, you wanted to disappear, you wanted to open your eyes and see Annabeth by your side. You didn’t want to be here anymore. This was a terrible idea.  
You couldn’t control yourself anymore. There was so much pain, so much screaming (You caused this, you caused all of this.). The choking sensation was still there, even with your hands away from your neck. It was horrible. It made you feel trapped, in danger, impotent. It felt like something was burning inside of you, something that would blow up any moment and cause some massive damage. You felt helpess.  
The screaming got worse. It was coming from your throat now. It felt so good, like you were letting everything go. The burning started to cease, and with that you screamed louder. Fuck the neighbours, fuck anyone hearing you. You wanted to set fire to yourself, you wanted to stop feeling, to stop overthinking. There was so much guilt, eating you from the inside out. It wouldn’t stop, no matter what you did.  
You felt your mom’s arms around you, trying to calm you down. You stopped screaming, burying your head against her chest. Your throat was so raw it hurt to breathe, and your eyes stung like fire. You were probably soaking her apron with tears.  
Breathe. Just keep breathing. It hurts, it hurts real bad, but keep breathing. You’re still crying, but it’s alright. (Liar, you’re a liar.). Everything’s alright. (Lie, you’re lying.). You need to relax, you need to calm down. Just calm down.  
She’s stroking your hair, whispering kind words in your ear. You felt childish, like if she was comforting 3-year-old you from a nightmare about Barney. But you also felt safe. For the first time, you actually felt like no monsters could get you, not even the ones in your head. You felt  _safe._  
You let go of the hoddie and hugged her tight. You missed her so much. You missed her smile, you missed her old habit of singing while cooking, you missed her amazing and unique food, you missed when she messed with your hair.  
You took the courage to look at her and you were right. She  _was_ crying. You were shaking.  _You caused this._  
“Mom.” You’re alright. You got this. “I’m home.”  
She laughed. It felt so good to hear her laugh. “I was so worried about you, Percy. I thought you weren’t coming back this time.”  
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m the worst son in the whole world.”  
“We both know that’s not true, Percy.” She wiped away her tears. “I love you.”  
“I love you too. I’m so sorry, I really am.” Don’t cry. It’s over, Percy, it’s over. She’s fine. You’re fine.  
She held your hand and helped you up. She led you to the kitchen, where you found out that you were, once again, right. She was making lunch. Spaghetti.  
“Thought maybe we should eat something before talking about…” She hesitated. “About what just happened.” Stop shaking.  
“Mom…”  _Stop._  
“Percy, I know this was hard for you too. I just want to talk, alright?”   
“Alright.”  
She stopped and studied the spaghetti for a second. “If i knew you were coming, I’d have made something blue. Blue spaghetti, what do you think?”   
You laughed. “I thought you ran out of blue food coloring.”  
“I always have blue food coloring. Just in case.”  
“Blue dessert then?”  
“Absolutely.”  
You were both laughing. You missed this. You’ve been away for too long, and you missed this. You missed helping her cook. You missed when you just watched her cook while you talked about your day at school. You missed these moments. The moments where the outside world didn’t exist. Where you weren’t in danger, where you could stay with her and talk all day.  
Visiting your mom ended up being a good idea.   
Man, you were  _never_  going to disappear for an year again. Never.  
Let’s hope that promise lasts.

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god,,,, im so glad i finally finished this draft. it was a project i wanted to work on for months, and its finally done oh my god. hope you all liked it!!  
> its also posted on my tumblr, queenpraetorreyna


End file.
